


Pros and Cons of Going God Tier

by acedavestrider



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Sick Character, like a lot of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-26 02:17:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16672864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acedavestrider/pseuds/acedavestrider
Summary: Dave finds out that being god tier doesn't protect him from the common cold and Karkat takes care of him.





	Pros and Cons of Going God Tier

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to kankervantas on tumblr for the prompt!

Every breath you take tears through your chest like razor blades, ragged and rattling. Bile mixes with blood in the back of your throat and swallowing brings a raw ache throbbing in your neck. Heat burns throughout your body, prickly and stifling, while goosebumps raise over your flesh despite the fever boiling you from head to toe. You try to take a short breath but it’s interrupted halfway through by a rough cough that wracks you down to your spine. You reach out a hand to Karkat, who’s stationed in a chair by your side, and he takes it, though he looks confused.

You’re dying.

“You have a cold,” Rose states blandly. “You’re going to be fine.”

“How can I have a cold?” you rasp indignantly. “I’m god tier.”

“As far as the perks of being god tier go, I don’t think protection from easily communicable diseases is included,” she says with a little smile. You think she’s enjoying your suffering. “You can die a thousand times over and as long as it’s neither just nor heroic you’ll come back, yet your immune system can’t fight off the common cold. The rules of this game are truly in our favor.”

“Rose, seriously, I’m literally dying in front of you and all you can do is joke?” You let out a cough to make your point. Karkat leans away from you.

“For someone with such an exceptional command of the English language, you use the word ‘literally’ more inappropriately than anyone I’ve ever met,” Rose comments.

“Now you’re making fun of me?” you ask incredulously. “You’re the worst sister ever. You’re witnessing the last moments of my life and you choose to be petty and rude to me, after all I’ve done for you. When I inevitably croak from whatever terminal illness I contracted from this goddamn petri dish of a meteor, you’re gonna regret treating me like this. You’re gonna be at my funeral all oh I wish I had said something nice to Dave during his last few minutes of life instead of being a huge asshole.”

“Yes, I’m sure I will say that verbatim at your corpse party,” she says.

“So, wait,” Karkat interrupts your bickering. “How will he get better if we don’t have any medicine?”

“Most common colds can’t be treated with medication anyways,” Rose explains. “He just has to ride it out; he should be fine in a few days.”

Karkat drops your hand. “You told me you thought you were dying!”

“I _am_ dying!” you exclaim, voice cracking with effort. “Rose doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about okay, I definitely have some kind of pneumonia or some shit, who knows what kind of life-threatening bacteria is living in the walls of the meteor. And not to mention all of the possible troll illnesses I could have gotten, that shit is probably lethal to humans and I’ve been all up in troll anatomy lately so I’m the number one candidate to catch one of your deadly alien infections.”

“I’ve been in just as close proximity to trolls as you have and I’m fine,” Rose states.

“Oh really?” you challenge. “Have you really been _that_ close?” You raise a suggestive eyebrow.

“Yes.”

“Oh, damn, good for you then,” you say with raised eyebrows. “Shit, here I was thinking you were still riding the virgin train to blue balls ville but I guess I was wrong.”

She smirks. “I guess you were.”

“As fun as this is, I would really rather not discuss your various sexual escapades with my best friend, if that’s alright,” Karkat interjects. His cheeks take on a pink hue at his own sentence and he pointedly looks away from Rose, who’s barely suppressing a grin.

“Right,” is all she says, before addressing you. “Dave, drink lots of fluids and get plenty of rest. I’m sure you’ll survive.”

“What about me?” Karkat asks in a small voice. He’s still blushing from earlier. “Should I like… avoid him? Am I at risk of contracting whatever fucking disease he has?”

“Although I’m fairly educated in several major fields, troll biology is not one of them,” Rose states. “While I would recommend staying away from Dave for the time being, it may be interesting to see what happens if you remain so close. Perhaps it will be a fun… experiment.”

“Oh my god,” you say. “Rose you are seriously fucked in the head, using Karkat as your guinea pig for your insane troll experiments. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

“Yes, I am truly burning with shame,” she says with a little smile. “Regardless, remember what I said about drinking fluids and resting. Good luck.”

She exits your room, leaving you and Karkat alone. You let out a miserable cough and then a subsequent sniffle to really drive it home and Karkat looks at you with his eyebrows drawn together. He looks concerned and it makes your heart contract just a little bit.

“What… what should I do?” he asks, unsure. “I’m not going to avoid you like Rose said, not when you sound like such a sorry sack of shit.”

“Well, first thing’s first,” you throw your blankets off and stand up on wobbly legs, “let’s alchemize some motherfucking fluids.” You sneeze suddenly, nearly throwing yourself off balance, and Karkat startles at the sound. “And some tissues,” you add.

Karkat stands just to push on your shoulders and make you sit down again. “You stay here,” he commands. “I’ll alchemize everything, just make a list.”

“Nah, I can come,” you insist. You stand again but a sudden dizzy spell makes you sit back down. “Right, yeah, you go ahead I’ll just… I’ll just lay down.”

“That’s what I thought.”

You make him a list and he hesitates in front of you at first, then gives you a definitive goodbye kiss on the cheek and leaves the room. You’re not sure how long he’s gone, because you fall asleep almost immediately after he goes, but the sound of him dropping approximately a thousand cans of soup on the floor wakes you up some time later.

“Jesus dude, you didn’t need to bring me a whole supermarket’s worth of fucking soup,” you say with a raspy laugh. “This is enough to last me for like two weeks.”

“I wasn’t sure how much was enough, you didn’t say,” he explains, a little sheepish. “I also got the tissues, water, and whatever the fuck gingered ale is? Not sure how alcohol is supposed to help with a cold but I’ve heard of humans doing stranger shit.”

“No dude, it’s not actually ale,” you tell him with a grin. He’s so fucking cute. “I dunno why the fuck they call it that but it’s basically just ginger flavored soda.”

“What the fuck is ginger?”

“Fuck, you guys don’t have that?” you ask loudly. “It’s some kind of fucking… root or something, I don’t know, but it’s basically the cure for virtually every ailment, right down to missing limbs and leprosy.”

Karkat squints at you then considers the drink in his hand. “You’re fucking with me.”

“I’m _barely_ fucking with you,” you admit. “Ginger ale is a godsend and I’m nearly positive it’ll cure me within the next few hours.”

Karkat rolls his eyes. “Whatever you say.” He crawls into your bed with you and you settle comfortably against his side. “What should I do now?” he asks, concern creeping into his voice again.

“Nothing, for now,” you say, following the statement with a yawn. “Just stay here and act as my personal space heater while I bunker down for a sick nap. Maybe later I’ll dig in to some of that soup. What kind did you make?”

He leans over the side of the bed to pick up one of the cans, examining it with lidded eyes. “Chicken noodle?”

“Sweet.” You take off your shades, placing them on the lopsided crate you’re using as a bedside table, and snuggle up into Karkat’s side again. He puts an arm around you and you fall asleep within a few minutes.

* * *

It’s dark in your room. The warmth from Karkat’s body, no longer next to you, has dissipated into a chilling cold and you shiver uncomfortably under your blankets. Your head pounds, blood rushing in your ears, and you throw off your sheets with a shaking hand. When you stand, you almost fall, and have to catch yourself. There’s an orange glow emitting from under your door.

When you open it, you’re thrown into the hallway of your old apartment and the door shuts behind you with a hard slam. You swallow and it gets stuck halfway down your throat. A deep breath, and you’re skirting the edge of the wall as you sneak down the hallway, wary of what could be waiting for you around the corner.

Your heart thumps in your chest, and you can feel it in your head, in your arms, in your ears. You get to your living room, or what’s left of it, and are greeted with plumes of fire engulfing your old apartment. In the center of the flames stands your brother, unaffected, eyes glowing deep orange behind his shades. Heat burns over your skin and you can’t breathe, you’re suffocating.

You’re jolted awake by hands on your shoulders and open your eyes to Karkat’s concerned face staring back at you.

“Did we go through a dream bubble?” you ask, voice shaking and cracking.

“No?” he says, confused. “I think you were having a nightmare.”

“Fuck, yeah something like that.”

“Are you okay?”

“All good,” you assure, though you’re still trembling. You’re so warm, sweat beading at your hairline and under your arms, and your throat feels like it’s full of honey.

Karkat’s eyes go wide as he puts a hand against your cheek. “You’re really hot.”

“Thanks, babe,” you joke.

He doesn’t even roll his eyes, and instead looks extremely worried. “No, you insufferable prick, I mean… You’re really - maybe we should ask Rose what to do.”

A quick text to Rose and a slightly delayed response later, and you tell Karkat that your prescription is a hot shower and more rest.

“A shower?” he repeats. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

You chuckle. “Dude, I’ll be fine,” you tell him. You don’t know why he’s so worried. “I’ve been dealing with swords and strifing my whole fucking life, I think I can handle a simple shower.”

He looks at you with narrowed eyes. “You almost fell down just standing up earlier,” he reminds you. “Excuse me if I’m a little concerned that you’re gonna fall and kill yourself in the shower. I don’t want to be the one who has to clean up your brains when you collapse and hit your head, that’s not what I signed up for. Just get in the ablution trap.”

“Will you come with me?” you ask, but the sarcastic and suggestive tone you try to put into your voice doesn’t come through, throat too scratchy and body too exhausted. You end up sounding far more genuine and pitiful than you intended.

Karkat, too goddamn good to you, gives you a little smile. “Yeah, I can help you, if you need me to,” he offers. “Here, I’ll run it for you.”

He leaves before you can tell him that you were just kidding and you hear the bathtub turn on in the other room. You let out a sigh and it rattles through your chest, uncomfortable and restrictive, and you wait for a few minutes until Karkat comes back to retrieve you. He helps you strip off your clothes in the bathroom despite you insisting that you can do it yourself, but you’re grateful for the assistance, your body still shaking with sickness. A few months ago you would have been totally freaked out at the prospect of Karkat seeing you naked but now you don’t really mind. You’re both so familiar with each other’s bodies at this point that it doesn’t really matter, and the complete lack of sexual tension in the room helps, too.

Steam rolls off the bath water and you situate yourself into the tub with a hiss. Karkat must be an expert bath drawer because the water is the perfect temperature, hot enough to soothe your aching muscles and loosen the mucus stuck in your chest but not so hot that it burns. A groan escapes from your mouth despite your efforts to suppress it and Karkat grins at the sound.

“Dude, it’s real nice in here,” you say. “You should get in with me.”

“That’s the last thing you need right now.” he argues. “You’ll just get distracted and somehow end up hurting yourself.”

“Come on, dude,” you coerce, moving your hands around to make the water ripple. “The water’s fine. It’ll make me feel better.”

He sighs. “If I get in do you promise to actually wash yourself? No fucking around?”

“No fucking around.” You cross your finger over your heart to prove that you mean business and grin as Karkat pulls his sweater over his head. He strips down to nothing and nudges your shoulder to make you move out of the way before sitting down in the tub with you. You settle against him, back to chest, head on his shoulder, and he adjusts himself in the small bathtub. He puts his arms around your middle and sighs at the heat of the water.

“Okay, this is pretty nice,” he admits. “Maybe this wasn’t a terrible idea.”

“Told you so.”

“Shut up.”

You keep your promise to avoid any funny business, though it takes a bit of effort. You’re not really in the mood anyways, not with how much your body aches and how many times you cough while in the tub. Karkat helps you shampoo your hair, making sure not to get any in your eyes, and you appreciate it more than you can voice. You don’t think you could get your arms to stay up long enough to actually lather and rinse shampoo out of your hair they hurt so badly. You feel like you’ve been strifing for days and got the absolute shit beat out of you.

Before you get out of the bath, Karkat gives you a long, sweet kiss that sends a different kind of pang to the pit of your stomach. That’s all he gives you though, as he steps out of the bath without another word. He pads naked around the bathroom to retrieve a couple of towels for you both, then helps you out and dries you off. You change into clean clothes and get right back into bed, where Karkat resumes his role as your heater. He presses the back of his hand into your forehead.

“Think the fever’s better,” he comments.

“Sweet, that’s one symptom down,” you say. “Now we just have to deal with all this fucking mucus in my chest. Soup time maybe?”

“I’ll go heat some up,” Karkat offers, disentangling himself from you to stand up. You miss his body immediately.

“Yeah, that’d be great, man...” You watch him go but stop him when he’s halfway out the door. “Hey dude?” you start. “Thanks for like… being my nurse all day. You totally don’t have to anymore if you’re getting annoyed or something.”

He gives you an odd look. “I’m not _annoyed_ ,” he says. “What else am I gonna do, let you suffer? What kind of matesprit would that make me?”

“A shitty one?” you guess.

“Fucking exactly.”

“If it’s no problem maybe you could even alchemize a sexy nurse costume while you’re out,” you suggest, half-joking. “That would make me feel better for sure.”

“God no,” he scoffs. “Not only would I break up with you, I’d also make sure to tell everyone about the bizarre kink you seem to have.”

You chuckle, but your small smile slips off your face the moment Karkat leaves the room again. No one has ever taken care of you before, and you like it more than you’d care to admit. It’s a weird feeling, knowing someone genuinely cares about you, and it’s confusing enough that you start to feel your chest contract with unwanted emotions. By the time Karkat comes back, steaming bowl of soup in hand, you’re sitting in your bed crying.

Karkat immediately puts the soup down as carefully as he can and rushes to your side, putting a hand on your waist.

“What’s wrong?” he asks. “Are you… in pain? Does something hurt? I can go get Rose if you need me to.”

His concern makes you smile, just a bit. “No, man, I’m fine,” you say, covering his hand with yours. “It’s just, you know… Bro never really helped me out when I was sick or anything, I was kind of on my own.”

“The more you tell me about your guardian the worse he sounds,” Karkat says with drawn up eyebrows.

You let out a hoarse laugh. “Yeah, he was kind of terrible, actually,” you admit. You wipe a few tears with the back of a shaking hand and Karkat’s brows get closer together. “And I just… I don’t know why I’m freaking out, I mean it’s not that big of a deal right? You’re just fucking… being nice.”

“You’re… not used to people being nice to you?”

It’s a question but it hits like a solid declaration and you end up crying harder. “Fuck, sorry,” you say, voice breaking. You scrub at your face and try to get yourself together. The crying mixes with your cold and blocks your nose to the point where you’re sucking in breaths through your mouth, barely keeping a weird anxiety attack at bay. Karkat takes your hand and just lets you cry for a bit before speaking.

“Look, I’m happy to help out, really,” he says. “I’m not annoyed or tired or upset or anything like that. I’m glad I can help you, it makes me feel less completely fucking useless on this meteor. Do you know how worthless I feel around here some days? With Vriska asserting herself as leader and not being god tier and feeling like I can’t do jack fucking shit to help anyone? This is just as important for me as it is for you.”

“Really?” you ask. “You’re not just saying that?”

“Really,” he assures. “Do you seriously think I’d be wasting my time here if I thought I had something better to do?”

“ _Do_ you have anything better to do?” you ask, just in case.

“No.” And then he says, “You’re the best thing I have,” and your tears come back tenfold.

You bury your face in your hands and sniffle. “Dude, I don’t deserve you,” you mutter miserably. “I’m over here blubbering like a fucking child and you’re being all kinds of sweet to me. I think I’m getting a cavity, even. Soon I’ll have full-blown type two diabetes, say goodbye to my left foot because you’ll never see it again at this rate.”

“I don’t know what diabetes are,” Karkat says. He stands up to grab the soup and comes back to you with a little smile. “But maybe this will help.”

“Thanks,” you say, taking the bowl with unsteady hands.

You sit back against the wall and eat your soup, and it does make you feel better, especially when Karkat sits next to you, so close that your thighs touch. The bath from earlier and the kissing that came with it has actually made you feel a bit better too, now that your muscles are looser and your chest not so constricted. The soup soothes your scratchy throat and by the time you’re ready to go to bed, after spending the rest of the day watching movies with Karkat, you’re feeling way less shitty.

“You sure you’re okay to go to sleep?” Karkat asks for the third time, hesitating by your door.

“Yeah dude, I feel way better,” you say. “Not gonna suffocate in my sleep or anything.”

“Alright…” he says, but he doesn’t leave.

“Hey, if you’re so worried about it why don’t you just sleep in here?” you suggest, with just an ounce of sexual undertones in your voice. “If I start dying in the middle of the night you can give me mouth to mouth and resuscitate me.”

Karkat poorly hides a grin and joins you on the mattress again, ready for bed in the sweatpants and t-shirt he’s been lounging in all day. You latch onto him the moment he lies down, arms wrapped around his midsection, and you fall asleep fairly quickly to the sound of his light purring.

* * *

 The first thing you hear in the morning is a raspy cough next to you followed by a loud groan. You startle awake and glance to your left where Karkat is sitting straight up in bed, hair sticking out at odd angles and face a conglomeration of different expressions all at once.

“Babe?” you ask, voice groggy.

He sniffles loudly in response, then sneezes twice in a row. “You jackass,” he says. “You got me sick.”

You laugh, stretching out your limbs and slowly waking up for the day. “I feel fine,” you comment happily. Your throat is still a little scratchy and your nose a bit blocked, but your fever has broken and your body hurts way less. Compared to yesterday you’re basically in your prime. “Looks like my immune system finally stepped up and done its fucking job. Yours on the other hand…”

“This is bullshit,” he announces. “This is such bullshit. How is it fair that trolls can catch human illnesses and I’m the first one to fall victim to one of your insidious diseases? Kanaya’s been canoodling with Rose for weeks and she’s fine!”

“Maybe her vampire status makes her less susceptible to human diseases?” you guess.

“Whatever it is, it’s pissing me off,” he says defiantly, standing up. The moment his feet hit the ground he wavers and nearly collapses back onto the bed. “Fuck,” is all he says.

“Oh man, how the fucking tables turn, dude,” you say with a smile. “Looks like today my name is Nurse Strider.”

“Goddammit,” he mutters, lying back down. “You better not alchemize the sexy nurse costume you were talking about before or I swear to god...”

“Oh, babe,” you start, grinning, “I am _so_ gonna wear the sexy nurse costume.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> this was a fun little diddy to write, nothing intense and not super serious. not my best work by far but still fun to try something a little different. 
> 
> im always looking for more davekat prompts if anyone has any! i will write them for the low price of Free, hit me up on tumblr at acedavestrider!
> 
> thanks for reading! comments are always appreciated!


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